The Mom of Us
by aixla
Summary: Willow thinks about her life now that Buffy is gone.


Title: The Mom of Us  
Author: Ailie McFarland  
E-Mail: aixla@juno.com  
Rating: PG  
Fandom: BTVS  
Spoilers: Bargaining  
Archive: http://www.geocities.com/aixla/fanfic.html  
Distribution: Oh! Well, if it helps at all, I'm gonna say yes.  
Disclaimer: I'm not Joss. If I was Giles wouldn't be leaving and Oz would still be around. I'm just trying to take a little peek inside of Willow's mind. (Hey, she's doing it to everybody else these days, you know?)  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTES: All quotes are from Bargaining, although not necessarily in order. In my mind this is taking place sometime while Willow is making her final preparations, and so the story flows through her train of thought, not necessarily the time line of the episode.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Today's the day. *The* day. The four of us have been preparing for this for more than three months now, and I thought I had it all worked out. But everything is changing, in ways I couldn't have begun to imagine.  
  
{Xander, I can do this. I promise.}  
  
Xander's freaked. I can understand why ... I mean, raising the dead and all. And it didn't work out too well any other time we've seen it; with that mask a few years ago, or when Dawn tried to bring back Joyce. But this is different. I hope he can see that. I need him. I need all of them.  
  
Because I'm scared. Terrified actually. There is so much that can go wrong.  
  
{I wanna stay here, with you and Willow and Tara.}  
  
I'm scared for Dawn. I just wanna make sure we're doing the right things for her. Losing her mom and her sister so close together ... sometimes I wonder if we should send her to her dad. He's no prince, but he is family. Kinda. Well, she remembers him as being family, and he remembers her. Only it's all a lie. The only real family, real life, Dawn has ever had is with us here in Sunnydale. So she stays.  
  
Being in the house with Buffy-Bot can't be easy for her. It's not easy for any of us.  
  
{Now just relax. I'm going to make you good as new. I promise.}  
  
It's so strange to have her ... it ... around. It looks like Buffy, talks like Buffy ... mostly ... it even smells like Buffy. But it's not her. Sometimes it's almost like talking to her, though. Her feelings for Spike are almost erased, but not quite. Sometimes it's like old times, Buffy-bot wanting to talk about her love life. Only Angel is gone, Buffy never loved Spike ... except for that spell but I try not to think about that ... and Buffy-bot is so much needier than Buffy. She's a child really. She depends on me for everything, physically and emotionally, as much as she has emotions.  
  
And yet the fate of the world could well rest on her shoulders. Everything that lives in Sunnydale thinks the Slayer is still alive, which keeps most of the big scary things somewhat in line. If she were to break down this town would literally be sucked into hell. And it would be all my fault. She's my responsibility.  
  
{We'll miss you, but we'll be okay.}  
  
They're all my responsibility, actually. Giles is gone. He was the dad of us for so long. Okay, lately he's been more of a friend, an advisor, but he was still there with the fatherly type advice. And as long as he was here at least we had a real adult around.  
  
{Well you got her opened up, fix it!}  
  
Spike's the oldest now, technically. But he's more of a child than any of us. How can someone who has been so evil, still is in some ways, be so fragile? I'm afraid one of these days he's gonna tear Buffy-bot limb from limb. And then where will we be?   
  
At least I can trust him to watch Dawn sometimes. He promised Buffy he would do that, and that at least is the one thing I know he holds sacred. As sacred as a vampire can, anyway.  
  
{Baby, tell those bats everything will be fine. I promise}  
  
Goddess, I've made so many promises lately. I don't know if I can keep them all. I hope I can. I told Dawn she'll be safe here, Xander I'll be able to bring Buffy back ... I told Tara I'd be safe. I hate hiding things from her. But if she knew ... if any of them knew ... I mean, once I found out what it would take I almost backed out. The last time someone tried this they didn't survive the tests of Osiris. The god of the dead is a jealous god, he doesn't give anything up easily.  
  
But neither do I. And neither did Buffy.  
  
{Who made you the boss of us?}  
  
Buffy's gone, and somehow I've ended up in charge. Only I'm not the boss anymore. I'm the mom. I have to hold this whole family together until I can bring back the one thing that brought us together in the first place ... Buffy.  
  
Because when she's back, somehow I know everything will be alright. It has to be. 


End file.
